saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
