i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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