If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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