she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This is my gift to your gina
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
