Your favorite bartender is back from prision
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
