so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am available for nakedness
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
