If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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