the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
