He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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