Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
