So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I need water and some morals
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize