no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You can't just leave with hair like that
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
