THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
