He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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