you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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