For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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