I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
