I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
