My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
