she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
