OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
