it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
