I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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