Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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