I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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