so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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