Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My ass is underappreciated
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
