i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the night ended with taco bell and tears
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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