My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sext me about skeletons
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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