even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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