Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
