Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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