With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
