OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
