You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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