He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
