Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
