you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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