i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
