I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
