She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
