Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
