It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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