he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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