You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize