Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
