All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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