just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
