My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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