watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
