The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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