I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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