So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
