it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
