I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
