I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
These tits shall not be calmed
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
