Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
