ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I want to make a zoo with you.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She told me I should be a condom model.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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