3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
